The type of happiness that the ego creates is circumstantial or conditional happiness. It sets conditions on our happiness: once items 1, 2 and 3 are perfect, or items A, B and C are just right, then I’m going to be happy. It’s always conditional. It doesn’t let you be in peace until you check the items off the list.
This is so part of human culture, society and language that it’s like a swamp or a tsunami that you must push your way through to overcome. Does realising that we put contingencies on happiness mean that happiness doesn’t depend on conditions at all?
To some degree. Sure, our life circumstances can improve dramatically. We don’t need to give up our possessions and isolate ourselves from the world to feel fulfilled. We can participate in life and depend on some of our happiness on the conditions of life. But no matter our strategy, that fulfillment is always relative to our attachment to the ego. The more attached we are to the ego, the less happy we’re going to be .
Knowing about this this sneaky mechanism is actually a huge step towards lasting fulfillment and peace of mind. Often you’re so lost in this mechanism of constantly seeking for happiness in the future that you can’t penetrate that delusion and see beyond it. That’s what keeps you stuck.
If you can be aware of how this runs your life, you’ll start to contact fulfillment and peace of mind that doesn’t depend on conditions.
Self-Centredness
Isn’t it true that we all try to get others to be like us? This is just the perfect ego delusion. It really shines a light on how the ego works.
We all want everyone else to be like us. Have you ever noticed that? It’s quite funny. I mean, who’s right at the end of the day? If you want me to be like you, and I want you to be like me, we’re at a stalemate. Neither of our positions makes any sense because we’re basically in disagreement. This is happening all the time.
You can see this in yourself when you’re walking down the street. Watch your mind putting everyone in boxes: “this person is this way, and I don’t like it, and I want them to be that way.” You don’t even know the person. You’ve never seen them in your life, but there you are, spinning judgments, categorising people and finding faults with them.
Of course, you know exactly what their life is like and what they need to improve it, don’t you? If you look the changes that you’ve proposed in your mind for that person, you’ll realise you’re trying to get them to be just like you. The ego is constantly defining how others should be based on how it is, based on its limited perspective.
Then it goes on “subtle crusades” to try to convert the whole world to the ego’s religion, which is simply to be like it. Notice it’s all about the ego. It’s all about you, the sense of self trying to indoctrinate other people, trying to convert other people to your religion of being you! It’s completely rampant. You’ll notice friends and family doing the same to you too.
It’s so outright, and so part of human functioning and human communication that we don’t see the delusion involved. It’s a delusion. We’re trying to convert other people to how we see career, how we see politics, how we see diet, how we see health, how we see spirituality, how we see the meaning of life, how we see what life even is and what we’re here to do.
The Irreality of Self
Let’s get to what is perhaps the daddy of all ego delusions. This is that the ego is real. Just watch out for this one. We all assume that the ego is real, and we live as though it’s real.
That’s what human beings do. It’s a fundamental part of human society, of human history, of how we work, talk, walk, interact and everything we do. It’s absolutely wired into human beings. We all believe that our personal identity is real.
It is useful to have one. We need it so that we can function in the world, be adults and navigate the world. We need to have a sense of self to locate to give ourselves a point of reference. But at the end of the day, you are not the ego. Once you do practices like meditation, you see what is happening there. You discover that the mechanisms of thought, emotion and body sensation are all working together to create a sense of identity. It’s a habit that you’ve fallen into for years now, perhaps decades.
It’s possible to realise that you experience the ego. You’re not actually the ego: you’re experiencing the mind and body but none of it points anything solid and permanent.
It’s an optical illusion: you’re seeing something that isn’t there, and this leads you to believe that it’s permanent and a real thing.